It's a Wonderful Double Life
by Glittering Pegasus
Summary: A simple wish at Christmas time makes Sydney Bristow realize just how valuable her life really is. (Alias version of 'It's a Wonderful Life')
1. Oh, Christmas Tree

A/N: Don't kill me, this is all Liz's fault. She just *had* to make me watch that Muppet movie. lol. So this idea just kinda popped into my head. Oh, well here it is as a special holiday treat. lol. /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ **IT'S A WONDERFUL DOUBLE LIFE**  
  
PART ONE~ 'Oh, Christmas Tree'  
  
I have a smile plastered onto my face as I lift a metallic red ball out of the old cardboard box. I place it onto the stiff green needles and reach for another.  
  
Francie laughs as Will tells some story about a guy in his NA group, and I only half listen. Eventually, my attention turns away from the colorful tree and to the window.  
  
I wish it were snowing. I wish I could run outside like a child and let the soft, glittering specks melt on my coat and lashes. But it doesn't snow in L.A., not even at Christmas. Outside it grows windy, but it's been a very long time since the ground was white and the palm trees have been coated in frost.  
  
I turn back towards my friends and attempt to make my smile more genuine. I breathe in deep the scents of the cinnamon and bayberry candles burning on the mantle, and listen to the gentle sounds of the Christmas carols playing on the radio and the laughter from my friends.  
  
It's one of those warm and comforting nights before Christmas Eve that you always read about and see in movies. But I can't feel happy. All I feel is emptiness.  
  
I stare at the tree and I see my reflection in one of the silver ornaments. It's funny how I've become so distant and pensive that I can relate to a Christmas tree. When you look at one, you see brightness and color and beauty. You see happiness and the excitement of tomorrow.  
  
But behind the plastic, behind the shiny decorations and artificial sweetness, you see just a dark green. A blanket of needles, sharp to the touch. Don't get too close to it or it'll leave you bleeding. And when the fun is over and the job is done, the pretty cover comes off and you're left with a vacant, sorrowful tree, which is thrown away and tossed out, the only remnants a mass of emerald needles sprinkling the floor.  
  
My life is so screwed up. It's times like these, times when I should be celebrating and full of love and hope, that I realize the truths that I try to hide, even from myself.  
  
The truth that because of me, Will was tortured and his life was ruined. Because of me, Danny is dead. Because of me, Vaughn almost suffered a painful, slow, and agonizing fate. Because of me, Sloane has a higher rank than ever and SD-6 may be even closer to domination.  
  
It's times like these when I realize that everyone would be better off without me. And I find myself wishing I were never brought into this world by the very person prophesized to destroy it.  
  
I stare up at the golden angel Francie had just placed at the top of the tree and the words float across my mind. "My guardian angel."  
  
That's it. I can call Vaughn. He's been there for me countless times. He can help me.  
  
Then I remember Alice. I know I'm not Vaughn's girlfriend, nor am I in any type of relationship with him that can be considered any more than friendship. But somehow, I feel like the presence of any other woman, especially because of the fact that he never told me about her, is breaking the bond I felt we so strongly shared.  
  
And the thought of losing the connection we'd so deeply based our relationship on, the trust and openness we had with each other that I'd assumed would always be there, was a final breaking point. I couldn't bear to lose the light that sometimes help me to get up in the morning and make it through the day.  
  
With all the other shit going on, I couldn't lose my confidant and last tie to sanity too, but it looked like that's the way it was headed.  
  
At this point, I think it would be better for me and everyone else if I had just never been born.  
  
***  
  
End Part One *** A/N: If you've seen "It's a Wonderful Life" you probably know where this is going. Lol. Like it so far? Please review and tell me! I'm going to try and have the next part up soon. I wanna get this one done before Christmas is over. Lol. 


	2. Red and Green

**It's a Wonderful Double Life~ Part Two~ "Red and Green"**

I'm trying to sleep but no avail. We had finished decorating the tree and Francie blew out the candles, Will went home, and we went to bed. 

"Christmas Day tomorrow," Francie had said. "I'm keeping the restaurant open in the morning for 'X-Mas Morning Special" and closing at noon. Gotta get a good night's sleep."

I'd said goodnight and buried myself under my covers, wondering if I could disappear if I hid far enough underneath. 

That didn't work either. 

The green iridescent numbers on my clock read 2:54. It doesn't seem as if sleep is going to happen tonight. 

Thank God Sloane gave me time of for Christmas. 

I kick off my sheets in frustration, sitting straight up in bed. I cross the room over to my window and stare out. Across the street I can see green and red lights blinking around the door frame. 

On and off. On and off. Emerald and ruby. Crimson and jade. 

Staring at them, I begin to feel a little dizzy. 

I go back to my bed and try lying down again. Finally, I feel myself drift off. 

As I swirl slowly into dream land, my mind becomes a jig saw puzzle of thoughts and pictures. 

FLASH

_"Badenweiler…"_

FLASH

_"I was not that agent. Your mother was…"_

FLASH

_"Will's been kidnapped…"_

FLASH

_"I killed Noah…"_

_"He was an assassin…"_

FLASH

_"Vaughn's developed symptoms…"_

FLASH

_"I'm Michael's girlfriend…"_

FLASH

_"You killed the man I love."_

_"No, Agent Bristow. You did." _

My eyes snap open. I sit up straight again, gasping. My pillow is damp with sweat.

My clock now reads 4:17. This night is going to drag on forever. 

I can't stand this anymore. I need to escape. 

I change into a jogging outfit and pull on my sneakers. I scribble a note and leave it on the counter. 

_Fran, _

_Went for early morning drive. Good luck with the restaurant!_

_~Syd_

I climb into my car and drive off to the one place that can calm me down. 

I reach my destination and stand on the rickety wooden boards, watching the ocean under the black sky. 

The waves are hypnotizing. I stand here in the quiet night. The only sound is the ebony waves pulling back into the distance and then crashing onto shore. 

Swish, grow, curl, crash. The life of a wave. So short yet meaningful to some. People like me who choose to use them as a lullaby. Though I doubt anyone else comes here to cure their insomnia as the night brightens to Christmas morning. 

It must be around five thirty now. The sky has begun to fade from raven black to smoky gray, preparing to welcome the morning sun. 

Soon people will begin to wake up to greet the day. Smiling parents will embrace their bouncing children, nodding as they exclaim, "It's Christmas!" 

Christmas. Project Christmas. And another reason I hate my life. 

Suddenly, I see a darker dot moving amidst the waves. Wait… that's not a dot; it's a person! And it looks like they need help. 

So much for relaxation. 

I pull my sneakers off and climb swiftly down the edge of the pier railing. My feet hit the sand and I run towards the shore line and without so much as a second thought, plunge into the water. 

My heart is pounding as I swim as quickly as I can toward the bobbing figure. 

Finally, I reach the person. It's a girl. Her eyes are closed but she seems to be breathing. I pull her gently onto shore. 

She looks very young, maybe only 15 or 16. Damp, chestnut brown hair frames her face and hangs below her shoulders. 

Her eye lids flutter open to reveal sapphire blue eyes. 

"Are you alright?" I ask. 

She nods. 

"What were you doing out here alone so late?"

She groans softly and sits up, sand clinging to her hair and back. "Couldn't sleep. Hit my head on a rock while I was swimming."

"You really shouldn't go swimming out here so late alone."

"I know. But I'm okay now thanks to you, Sydney Bristow."

I immediately become alert. My adrenaline kicks in, preparing for a fight if needs be. "Who the hell are you?" I demand, shocked. 

Her sopping wet t-shirt and shorts are suddenly transformed into a long white, flowing dress. I rub my eyes and blink hard. I did not just see that. 

"_What the hell are you?"_

She extends a hand which I hesitantly shake. "My name is Katherine," she says. "I've been sent here by… an anonymous boss."

"How'd you do that… with your clothes?" I stammer out. 

"Oh, that? Just a little trick of the angels."

"Angel?" My voice is weak. 

"Let's get to business. I was sent here to show you that you matter; how much you matter at that. I mean, seriously. Had I been able to die and you hadn't been there… well, I'd be dead." 

"Umm… this is… you're an angel?" 

She looks at me as though I'm a moron. "Yes, Spy Girl. An angel. I thought you were a genius. Now tell me something: did that stunt you just pulled to save me make you realize how much you matter?"

I stare, then slowly shake my head. "This has got to be a dream. This is a freaking dream. But since I'm dreaming anyway, no. I still believe this world would be better off without Sydney Bristow." 

"You honestly think that?" 

"Yes, Angel Girl. I believe that." 

"Damnit," the figment of my imagination states. 

"What?" 

"I was hoping you'd come around before. But I guess not. Now I have to take up time that I could be using to… er.. "watch over" Hayden Christianson."

I scoff. "And why would my knowledge of the truth take time out from your busy schedule?" 

"Because now I have to let you see for yourself. I'm going to show you what this world would be like had you never been born into it." 

***

A/N: Well? Like it? Hate it? Part three will come up soon. Lol. 


	3. The Enemies

**It's a Wonderful Double Life Part Three~ "The Enemies"**

I blink. When I open my eyes again we're still at the pier. But it's different. 

Much different. 

Not in its appearance. It looks the same. But the atmosphere, the air thick with change… nothing is as it seems. I can feel it. 

I shiver. 

"Welcome to the world without you," Katherine declares from beside me. 

"It's the same," I lie, knowing I'm doing so. 

"You think so? Let's look around," Katherine suggests. 

We walk along the pier and though I still see no difference, I feel that something, somewhere, must be altered in the slightest. Maybe for the better. Probably for the better. But still altered. 

"Hmm…" Katherine pensively murmurs. Then, "I don't think we'll find anyone to our interest here. Some of them… don't come out much."

"Okay." 

And after another blink we are standing in front of the Credit Dauphine building. 

The only thing I notice is how many people are bustling in and out. 

There is never this many. 

"Come on. We should look inside," Katherine says, and I walk towards the building with her. 

As I push past the crowd of employees flooding the halls I see the elevator across the room and someone I don't know opening the doors and climbing in. 

I get in with him. 

We don't talk, but when we get out we both enter the white scanning room. The red light flashed and the doors to SD-6 open. 

I get a strange feeling that the man hadn't acknowledged my presence at all. 

_Shake it off, Syd. _

As I scan the room for a familiar face, I finally spot Dixon and Sloane in the briefing room. I turn my head a little to see if Katherine is following, but she is nowhere to be seen. 

_This is one weird dream. _

I shrug and enter the room. Sloane is droning on. There is nothing unusual about that. I do notice that seated next to Dixon in my usual seat is a man, maybe in his early forties or late thirties. 

Thin red wisps of hair are brushed in front of his forehead in attempt to hide still clearly visible pink scars, and his eyes are a stony gray. I find them unnaturally cold and look like they could kill you if you stared too long. 

"… Agent Dixon, Agent Crow; you will be going to Kiev to retrieve the device…" Sloane instructs, and I figure the red haired man is Agent Crow. He must be Dixon's partner. Well at least without me around Dixon will have a partner who doesn't constantly lie to him and make him believe he's doing the right thing. 

"Marshall?" 

I see Marshall stand and notice something. He's not blushing and he's not quivering. He begins to speak. "The security at this place is extremely tight. So you will have these," he holds up two little gold rings. "Wear them as normal rings and when you enter each room, they will send off silent and undetectable waves which will short circuit the security systems in the building."

"Thank you, Marshall," Sloane says to him. 

Marshall quickly bows his head, an odd, jerky motion, and sits down. 

He hadn't even stuttered while speaking. He is being so.... normal. What's wrong with him? Has his computer died or something? 

"You're free to go," Sloane tells the group. They get up and leave. As they exit, Marshall accidentally puts his foot on Dixon's. "I'm sorry, Agent Dixon."

Dixon sneers, almost snarls. "Watch where you're going."

I gasp. What...?

"Frightening, isn't it?" Katherine has returned. 

"Why... why is he so... so mean? Dixon would have been a great person whether I knew him or not."

"He was," Katherine says. "But remember when you saved him after he was shot last year? Well even with you not around, he was shot. Crow saved him, but ever since then he's suffered permanent damages and pretty painful memories. Post traumatic stress. Without you to help him through it, just that jerk Crow... let's just say he had a rough time. The downward spiral made him pretty unfriendly." 

I sigh and shake my head. "Well, I don't see how I could've helped all that much. And look at Marshall. He seems to have gained some self confidence without me and... the happier Dixon egging on his outlandish behaviors..." my voice trails off suddenly. 

"But..." Katherine prompts. 

"He's not Marshall," I finish quietly. 

Suddenly, Katherine points up at the screen Sloane always uses at briefings "Look. We're about to get a call."

I'm about to ask what she means when I realize she's gone again. 

Just then the screen flickers on and I see a familiar pair of evilly glinting blue eyes. Sark. 

"Good afternoon, Mr. Sloane."

"Mr. Sark."

"Alright, Sloane, I want to make one thing perfectly clear. I understand that the Alliance has grown to unimaginable lengths. You've got stations at pretty much every corner drug store. You're near invincible. But that doesn't mean I won't find a way to take you down."

My heart skips a beat. 

Unimaginable lengths? Stations everywhere? Near invincible? 

What the Hell?

And why are Sark and Sloane at each other's throats? It's almost as if they're- 

"Competing," Katherine finishes my thought for me. "Without you to slow him down, Sark rose immediately to one of the highest seats in the rogue intelligence world. He's become Sloane's top competition for ultimate power, especially without Iri..." she stops mid word. 

"What were you about to say?" I demand. 

"Doesn't matter."

"What, Katherine? Without what?" I press again. 

"You're too stubborn for your own good, you know that? I promise you all will be explained soon enough. In the meantime, quit it with the Katherine stuff. I never should have told you my real name. Call me Kate."

"Fine, _Kate," I say sharply. "Then answer one question. Why is Credit Dauphine still here? I wasn't here to stop Cole from exploding the place."_

"As you can tell and just heard, without you as a double SD-6 is incredibly powerful. Do you really think a group as... psychologically disordered as Mckenas Cole's could really just sneak in here with the unbelievable strength SD-6 has going for them?"

I didn't answer, but it didn't make me feel much better knowing that without me, no one would've had to go through that horrible ordeal. 

"Anyway," she goes on, "I think you've seen all there is to see here. Time for our next stop. Brace yourself, it's not gonna be pretty."

Before we depart, I very briefly wonder where my father had been. It had suddenly dawned on me that he wasn't here. 

Although I see that my presence has made some impact in the world of my enemies, and the friends associated with them, I still can't help but assume that there's only one place my dad could be. 

Off enjoying his free and daughterless life. 

***

A/N: Still enjoying it? Please review! Reviews get the chaps written faster and better :-D


	4. Keep Your Friends Close

Part Four~ "Keep Your Friends Close"  
  
Our blink trip takes us to a little apartment in a different part of LA than I live.  
  
Little gold lights hang from the windows, suggesting a warm glow in the cool night air.  
  
But as I step closer to the door, I notice that it is coated in a thick layer of dust.  
  
Who lives here?  
  
There's only one way to find out.  
  
I push open the door and am surprised to see Francie inside, in a small kitchen. She's humming a sad, slow tune and spreading red and green star shaped sprinkles onto a tray of sugar cookies.  
  
Everything inside this apartment, Francie included, looks tired, fading, and strangely unkempt.  
  
I'm about to say something to her when I hear a familiar voice call her name. "Hey, Baby."  
  
Oh, God. No. Charlie.  
  
"Hey," Francie quietly says back.  
  
Charlie walks up behind her and puts a hand on her back. Francie whips around.  
  
"I saw you with Carla this morning," she tells him accusingly.  
  
"Babe, I'm not cheating on you. We've been through this."  
  
"I know," Francie answers.  
  
"Frankly, I'm getting tired of you accusing me. We've been married for a year. You still don't trust me. You know what? Learn to trust me or I'm gone."  
  
"Charlie-"  
  
"I just need some time to think right now." And he exits.  
  
I watch in horror as a man I despise shuts the door, leaving my best friend standing alone, her eyes glazed with tears.  
  
I want to help her. I want to comfort her. Gently, I try to lay a hand on her shoulder. It floats right through, clear to the other side like a knife through butter.  
  
Francie doesn't even flinch.  
  
"Fran...?"  
  
"She can't see you or hear you. You can't touch her. You don't exist," Kate reminds me, emerging again.  
  
Francie pulls a can of beer out from the fridge and swills it down.  
  
"Francie doesn't drink..." I slowly whisper.  
  
Kate's silence is the only answer I need. She does now.  
  
I ignore her comment about invisibility and try again. "Francie! Francie, listen to me! It's me, Sydney! Your best friend Sydney!"  
  
Kate gives me a sympathetic glance as I desperately call Francie's name, scream, do anything to get her attention. "Come on," she says, touching my arm. "We should go."  
  
Before I have time to argue, we are somewhere else again. This room is cleaner in appearance than Francie's broken down apartment, but I sense that not all is right.  
  
There are lots of people in this spotless, white room. Most of them are around my age, but some seem even younger and a few are older as well. All of them have one thing in common.  
  
They all seem miserable.  
  
I watch closely as each one in the group takes a seat in a plastic chair, all of which are arranged in rows in the center of the room.  
  
And then I see the person seated in the first chair stand hesitantly, a black muscle shirt about four sizes too big enveloping the top half of his body, and covering also the top part of ripped, faded blue jeans. I'm shocked when I recognize the face.  
  
He opens his mouth and speaks, "My name is Will..."  
  
His facial features are clouded and he stops, not sure if he should go on. Everything is silent, and there's a naive voice in the back of my head trying to convince me that everything is okay here. That Will is here even when I do exist.  
  
But I notice the light reddish scars dressing the inner part of his arm, and I know the truth.  
  
"My name is Will and I am an addict." 


	5. Fueling a Dying Flame

**Part Five**

Will's... a drug addict. 

How am I supposed to respond to this? How am I supposed to feel? 

This is ironic more than anything else, and I fail to see how my presence would've prevented it.

"I know you're wondering why this happened. Well, do you remember the day you met Will?" Kate asks me. I think back. 

"Yes. It was five years ago. I was having a bad day so I went under the bleachers on the football at UCLA. Will had been there too."

Kate nods. "Ever wonder why?"

"Not really," I admit. 

"Will, if you recall, was not always the comfortable, charming, social person he is now, or was while you existed."

"I remember," I say. If the situation were not so dire, I'd probably laugh at the memory of geeky, awkward Will. 

Kate continued. "He finally decided that there was only one way to feel confidant and become more accepted, and that day under the bleachers he decided to try it out."

And it sinks in. "Dope."

"By some strange twist of Fate, you decided that those bleachers were a good place to relax. You being there and offering immediate friendship and acceptance to Will stopped him from making the worst mistake of his life."

I say nothing. 

Everything is... nothing is right in this world. 

How is it possible that I've affected so much? I'm just one person, one insignificant little dot moving about the millions of others. What makes me so wonderful?

This has to be a mistake, a screw up. Kate must have gotten me confused with someone else. Angels can make mistakes, can't they?  

_Can't they? _

I feel a mist of tears building up but I refuse to let them fall. They will not fall. 

I don't want to go back to that life. 

I can't go back. 

Before I can allow myself to let the drops break through, I suck in a shaky breath and speak over the noise of the scene before me. "Where are my parents?"

"Sydney... are you sure?"

I don't know. 

Am I sure?

"Yes."

Am I?

I'd better be.

I hold my breath and shut my eyes, not even knowing I'm doing so until my eyes open and I breathe again.

We're in a field, large and stretching off into unseen oblivions. 

Cold wind whips around me, sweeping my hair across my face and into my eyes. The breeze whistles through the trees and an eerie wail blows along with it. I shudder. 

It's only now that I notice the cold gray structures spread across the plain. 

A graveyard. 

"What are we doing here?" I manage a whisper, the moan of the wind through the trees still sending shivers down the back of my neck. 

"You wanted to see your parents," Kate calmly replies. 

"My... my parents are dead?" 

"No."

We are suddenly standing directly in front of a small black headstone. 

I read. 

_LAURA D. BRISTOW_

_LOVING WIFE AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW_

_HER WISH FOR A BEGINNING CAME TO AN END_

_BUT SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN A WONDERFUL MOTHER_

_OCTOBER 19TH, 1955-___

_DECEMBER 20TH, 1981___

"My mother... my mother's dead. But how...?

"You were five years old. You were at home decorating a Christmas tree with your mother. You're father was on a business trip. You went into the kitchen to see if your hot chocolate was ready," Kate begins the familiar story. 

I swallow hard and recall the rest. "I noticed that a napkin that had been too close to the stove had caught a flame. I got scared and yelled to my mom. She raced in and put out the flame with one little puff, and I thought she was the most magical woman ever."

I tuck a hair behind my ear and wince as I remember what happened next. "She just smiled down at me and said 'See? Just like blowing out birthday candles, Sydney. Don't be scared of fire. It will only burn you if you get too close.' I will never forget that. I didn't even notice until now how meaningful those words were..."

I stop talking and Kate doesn't have to explain anymore. I knew. Had I not been there, she wouldn't have noticed the flame in time. The house had caught on fire and she hadn't escaped. 

"_You burn me, I burn you..." _

I glance wistfully at the single rose amongst the tall grass. It looks like it could have been red once, ruby red as a drop of blood. 

But too many things, cold, long winters, trampling feet, perilous storms, have robbed it of its beauty. Its petals are curled and dry, discolored. It has darkened to a purplish brown, with crackling brown edges. 

"What happened to my father after that?" I hear my voice flatly question. 

"Your father... your father changed."

"Thank you for clearing that up." 

Kate sighs and although I'm still staring down at the rose, I can see her looking over at me from the corner of my eye. 

"Alright..." she agrees. "I'll show you. But first there's one more thing you need to see while we're here." She points to a grave stone a few feet away from my mother's. 

I carefully step over to it and lean down to read its engraving, shadowed beneath the wings of a marble angel. 

_DANIEL HECHT_

_STEP SOFTLY, AN ANGEL LIES HERE_

_JULY 6TH, 1973-__SEPTEMBER 25, 2001___

"Danny is not supposed to be dead," I murmur firmly. "He wouldn't have died if I hadn't been there to tell him..."

"How can you be so sure?" Kate responds. "That night, September 25, 2001... that night, had Danny not stayed home to drink and pine over the truth about you, he would have gone out to a party being held for the hospital staff. His car would have been pushed of the road when a drunk driver swerved into it. The car would have flipped three times before bursting into flames." 

"But..." 

"Danny was meant to die that night. No one could have prevented it. It was Fate. You can't stop Fate."

I bite my trembling lip. The tears are a stubborn army, gaining power and preparing to defeat. I surrender to just one and let it slide down. 

"Just show me my father," I whisper as I trace the engraved letters with my fingertips. The teardrop splashes onto the cool white surface. I stare then repeat, "Just show me my father." 

"Very well." 

And the graveyard fades and dissolves. In an instant, the 'Oak Road Cemetery" sign flickers like an old TV set. 

Standing before us now is a silver, razor sharp barbed wire fence, ready to devour its next opponent. 

A wooden sign blows about from two metals posts. 

_Woodland Psychological Infirmary_

I look past the sign and through the gate. A large gray building towers over us, surrounded by an eerie mist.

Before I can react, we're inside the building. Nurses and doctors scurry about, while people in wheel chairs roll down the endless hallways. What they say about the 'men in white jackets' is true. 

That's when I see him. He is in a lounge of some sort, appearing to be watching the TV showing 'Hollywood Squares.' But he's staring off into space, not really paying attention to anything at all, his lips moving to form silent words that no one will hear but are impossible to escape. 

"Daddy?" I whisper. "Kate, what happened to him?"

A voice sweeps through the room and fills my thoughts. _You know, it softly informs. __You know..._

Is this really what would have happened to my father without me? Would the death of my mother then discovering the truth really have driven him to the point of insanity? 

Is having me for a daughter really what keeps him grounded? 

Or have I just been driving him there more slowly? 

My mind is a swirl of abstract thoughts, distorted wonders, buzzing and ringing in my ears. My father, so strong and stern, is now weak and ineffectual. 

This is not how I expected a life without me to be at all.

I know that before I return, there is just one more person I have to see. 

I've tried to hold that thought aside because I am afraid of the truth it may reveal, but now it is the only thing that can decide my path. 

I stare tearfully at my father one last time and my mind calls out to Kate for one last request to her. 

***

A/N: And we all know who her final visit will be to, right? Lol. Stick around because things are gonna get pretty fun w/ 'you- know- who' in the next chap Review! :-D 


	6. Cold as Ice

A/N: I'm sooooo sorry it took this long!!!! Merry belated X-Mas newayz! lol. Sorry again!  
  
**Part Six~ "Cold as Ice" **  
  
"If I was never born... If I didn't exist... what would've happened to Vaughn?"  
  
Kate is silent.   
  
"Ok..." I say quietly. "Then show me. Please, just show me what happened to him."  
  
"Sydney... you've seen what's happened to the people in your life when they didn't have you. SD-6 is undefinable. Dixon is cold and callus. Marshall has lost his fun-loving nature. Francie's living at home with a cheating, lying jerk. Will's a drug addict who lived on the street for a month. Your mother is dead and your father is in a mental institution. Your fiance died without ever having been in love," she remind me, miraculously doing so in one breath.   
  
"Thank you," I snap. "I know."  
  
"Then why do you need to see him? If it's not already obvious how needed you are in this world, then maybe you were right and you should just give up."  
  
"No, it's not that, it's just..." I don't want to tell her the truth.   
  
"He means a lot to you." She knows anyway. Hell, who doesn't?  
  
I nod. "I just need to see him."  
  
"This is not a good idea. You really, really do not want to see this," Kate warns.   
  
"It's not a matter of want. It's a matter of need. I need to see what's happened to him."  
  
"Sydney... you've seen some pretty bad things so far. What's happened to your friends and family... it's all been awful. But I promise you, none of them compare to what's happened to him. I don't think it's something you can handle."  
  
My stomach drops. My heart rises to my throat. "Kate... I'm going to find him with or without your help. I have to know."  
  
She frowns, a desperate glint in her eye, before answering. "Alright. But don't say I didn't warn you."   
  
I wonder what we'll see. What has happened to Vaughn? My pulse is racing and I'm imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios.   
  
A moment flashes by and we're outside a large brick house at night. Red bricks, navy blue shutters. Little columns of smoke rise from the chimney, suggesting a warm fire within the house.   
  
In the dark night, the multicolored bulbs flash along the roof and windows, illuminating the air. A glowing yellow light shines out through one of the windows. I look inside, and there he is.   
  
The bright lights gleaming all around don't hold a candle to the dazzling smile that makes his face shimmer as though it's a light itself.   
  
He sits cross- legged on the cream carpet, laughing as a little boy crawls onto his lap. I walk up closer to the window and touch my hand softly to the glass. "Vaughn..." I whisper.   
  
"Do you want to see better?" Kate asks and I nod.   
  
We're inside the house and I can see the child clearly now.   
  
He is about six. Golden blond hair covers his head and is a little messy. There is a tiny dimple in the center of his chin, and large, bright green eyes glitter with delight as Vaughn, undoubtedly his father, tickles his stomach.   
  
I feel myself smiling with him.   
  
Then I hear a voice sound from another room. "How's little Shawn doing?"  
  
A blonde woman belonging to the voice enters. I know that face and that soft airy voice. Alice.   
  
"He's great."  
  
I watch as she lifts Shawn into her arms and twirls him around as he gasps, grinning and clapping his hands. She sets him softly down on a couch and turns to Vaughn, who stands up and takes her hand.   
  
She leads him to a spot in the room and points up. Mistletoe.   
  
My eyes water as they kiss, and the truth sinks in.  
  
This is what Kate hadn't wanted me to see. This is what she had meant when she said I couldn't handle it.   
  
Vaughn is happy. He is blissfully and wonderfully happy.   
  
Without me.   
  
I realize that I don't know what I had wanted. I hadn't wanted to see him living a lonely, miserable life. The last thing I wanted was for him to be in pain. I care about him too much for that.   
  
But the fact that he was happy because I didn't exist....   
  
I guess I've been kidding myself in thinking that he needed me as much as I need him.   
  
"Kate? Thank you for showing me this. I know what I want to do now. I can't go back. If Vaughn is this happy without me... what I once said still stands. He's an amazing guy. He deserves all the happiness he can get."  
  
"You saw what happened to everyone; all your friends and your family. SD-6 will undoubtedly achieve their domination goal this way. You would put Vaughn's happiness ahead of all that?"  
  
I don't answer. She's right. What do I want? Do I want my friends and family to be happy? Or Vaughn?   
  
Kate speaks again after the silence. "You love him that much?"  
  
Again, I don't know how to answer. I hadn't expected that, but I can't argue.   
  
Lead again by my lack of answer, she places a hand on my shoulder. "Then you deserve the truth."  
  
I turn to face her, knowing there's a surprised look on my face.   
  
We leave off with a comment from Kate ringing in my ears. _"Things aren't always as they appear..."_  
  
I find myself in the CIA building, in an office. "This is where he went after putting Shawn to bed that night," Kate tells me.   
  
I see Vaughn sitting at a desk, tapping a pencil against a computer printed paper.   
  
"Vaughn!" a voice demands.   
  
Vaughn snaps his head up and with lightening speed sits up straight. "Yes, Mr. Haladki?" he says to the rat-like man who enters a moment later.   
  
"Are you finished that report yet?"  
  
"Almost, Mr. Haladki," Vaughn answers, a strained politeness in his voice.   
  
Halakdi frowns. "'Almost' doesn't cut it. Now get to work before I lower your wages again. And you're staying here until you finish that, I don't care if it's Christmas Eve. So you'd better move fast."   
  
"ass," Vaughn mutters as Haladki leaves the room. I can't believe that jerk is above Vaughn. Vaughn is attending to his every whim like some kind of servant.   
  
When he's sure "Mr. Haladki" is gone, he sighs, rubs his forehead, and gets up. There's a stride in his walk, like he's finally about to do something he's been trying to work up the courage to do. I follow him down the hall and into Devlin's office.   
  
"Mr. Devlin, I want to train to be a field agent," he announces in a clear, unwavering voice.   
  
Devlin just stares.   
  
"Please, Sir. I know I can do it. I have athletic experience, I'm advanced at all the required thinking skills, and I'm pretty decent at linguistics. I was already speaking English, French, and Italian by the age of 10. Sir, with all due respect, I know my duty to this country would be best served in the field, not behind a desk filing reports for Steven Haladki."  
  
Whew. Good job, Vaughn.   
  
Devlin stares for another minute, and I swear I think his bottom jaw is going to detach itself. Finally, he manages a quick "Okay."  
  
Good for you, Vaughn.   
  
"He has a great life," I tell Kate. "Sure, he was miserable under the control of that weasel for a while but he just worked himself out of it and now he's going to get the status he deserves.   
  
"I'll admit to you," Kate begins, "that he becomes a successful and respected field agent. He wins the reputation of one of the best in the field and that doesn't make him too upset. But let's go back to his home later that night to have another look, shall we?"  
  
And now we're in the merrily festive Vaughn home again, but this time Shawn isn't there and the living room light is out. The fireplace is dark and black except for a few dimly glowing embers, remnants of the fire that had blazed only a few hours before.   
  
We head into the one room where a light remains on. The kitchen.   
  
Two familiar voices speak softly but sharply, signs of a heated argument.   
  
"We shouldn't be arguing like this on Christmas Eve. Let's just forget it," he suggests.   
  
She protests. "We can't just forget it. This arguing never ends. It's constant, and it's been constant since day one!"  
  
"You know, I regret that day one ever happened!"  
  
"Mike... this just isn't working."  
  
"Wow, that's a brilliant observation, Alice. Anything else you'd like to point out that I haven't realized already?"   
  
"I don't know, but from the way you've been acting since you got home from work, there is. Is there anything about work tonight that will inspire me to make a point?"  
  
He sighs. "I made a request to Devlin for field agent training and it was granted, okay?"  
  
"Field agent!" she gasps. "You cannot do this, Mike! So you're home even less and I have more to worry about? Plus, we were thinking of having kids," Alice points out.   
  
Only _thinking_ about it? What about Shawn?   
  
Alice continues. "Having a father who's a field agent for the CIA is no way for a child to grow up!"  
  
"And neither is having parents who are obviously not in love!" Vaughn shoots back, then quiets down at seeing the hurt expression on Alice's face. "Look, Alice, I'm sorry. But being married to you has made me realize that. You know it too. And Anya's son being here for the weekend has made me realize that having kids with you may not be the best idea."  
  
"Now you're going to bring Shawn into this? Your twin sister's son? Mike, we've never taken care of a kid together before. Anya left Shawn in our care for one weekend. You can't expect us to be expert parents already."  
  
"Alice... I just have to be alone right now." And he left. Just like that.   
  
So Shawn is his twin sister Anya's son. I didn't even know he had a twin sister named Anya. It's amazing, the things I don't know about him. In any case, Shawn isn't his.   
  
_Things aren't always as they appear. _  
  
"They never do have kids, you know," Kate tells me. "They have a messy divorce six months from now. The arguments never end, though, and both were sent into depression. That could've been a result of the fact that they remained alone and neither experienced real love."  
  
"Bu..." I'm struck speechless, letting this information seep through me. Then curiosity takes over. "How do you know all this? And why do you keep referring to this like it's the past?" I gesture to the room around me and Alice sitting with her head in her hands at the kitchen table. "Do angels know the future?"  
  
Kate shoots her gaze downward. "No... not exactly."  
  
"Then how?"  
  
She takes a deep breath. "I was going to give it one last shot for you to come around before I showed you what... what happened. But I guess him just having the normal problems that tons of people experience isn't enough to convince you. What you just saw, Sydney, what you're seeing... this is last year. This is Christmas 2001."  
  
"Show me Christmas of 2002, then," I press.   
  
"Alright just... be ready."  
  
We arrive again at the CIA building. We're in Devlin's office. Vaughn is here, standing straight and listening intently to what Devlin is saying.   
  
"'The Snowman,' if you recall, has been on the list of most wanted for years and was presumed dead in '95. Last year we uncovered his identity, Noah Hicks, and sent in a team of 10 agents to bring him into custody. They never returned."  
  
I suddenly feel completely immobile.   
  
"However," Devlin continues, "we've discovered his location again and we feel that we can catch him by surprise on Christmas Eve. Plus, he'll be expecting another team, not just one."  
  
I stand frozen, unable to think. Snowman, Noah Hicks. They say he earned his nick name because he liked to use ice picks to kill, but since my... encounters with him last year, I've determined the true significance of the name. The mention of it can make your blood freeze and run cold as snow.   
  
I snap out of my thoughts because Vaughn is speaking. "Take him by surprise on Christmas Eve? With all due respect, don't you think that's a little George Washington, Sir?"  
  
Devlin shrugs. "Well, a bit. But this isn't 1776 anymore. You're certainly not a freezing solider in the Delaware River. You're one of the best agents in the field and I have confidence in your ability."  
  
Vaughn sighs. "Alright. Thank you, Sir."  
  
"Your plane leaves tonight. Six PM."  
  
Kate points to a clock on the wall. 3:00. She twirls her finger in a circle and suddenly, the hands race around the face of the clock insanely as if someone has hit a fast forward button. They hit 11:00 PM and I am suddenly in a long, dark hallway. Without Kate.   
  
I hear footsteps, quick and echoing. A figure runs past me swiftly and I almost don't recognize it. But my heart can sense it. It's Vaughn.   
  
I follow him. He enters a small room. It is dark and smells of rusted metal. In the center of the room is a silver dentist office style chair. Leather straps hang from it and swing slightly as he rushes in.   
  
He holds up his gun and turns all around the room, searching for threats.   
  
Enter Noah. He calmly strides in through a wooden door on the other side of the room, notices Vaughn, and twists a corner of his mouth into a wickedly crooked smile. He nods slightly.   
  
Vaughn doesn't even waver, just holds the gun up threateningly. "Noah Hicks?"  
  
I can hear the blood pumping through my ears.   
  
Vaughn shoots before Noah has the chance to answer, a deafening blast that echoes throughout the cement room. The bullet hits his leg and he falls, clutching where the bullet wound should have been. Only I see more clearly than Vaughn, and I see that there is no wound.   
  
Noah has protected himself under a suit of metal, undetected under his black pants and turtleneck. He must have been warned that an agent was coming. Someone leaked to him, but I can't think about that right now. All I can think about is Vaughn.   
  
As Vaughn approaches him and pulls out a set of hand cuffs, Noah is still pretending to cover the hole. He is moaning with artificial pain. I want to stop Vaughn. I want to warn him. I want to save him like he always saves me, but I know I can't.   
  
Still, the weak, frail word slips from my mouth and dies with the dust floating through the air. "Vaughn..."  
  
It all happens so incredibly fast. I watch in terror as Noah grabs the gun from him, shoots him in both thighs, and in the seconds following forces him into the chair and locks him into the thick leather straps.   
  
"Wait there and don't move," Noah orders coldly.   
  
Vaughn couldn't go anywhere if he tried. His legs are bleeding horribly, the rust red staining the cold gray floor. He is gasping for breath, his eyes watering and teeth gritting in pain.   
  
I'm too petrified to do anything. It's as though I'm paralyzed.   
  
Finally, I manage to find my voice amidst my terror and speak. "Vaughn...? I'm so sorry! I... oh my God. I'm going to fix this, I swear! Just hang in there! Once I figure out how to make things right again I will! Oh, God, Vaughn!"  
  
I step closer to his wounded form and wish I could do something, anything to comfort him. I place a hand on his sweating cheek but just as it had with Francie, it floats through.   
  
There is a sudden slam and Noah returns, an ice pick in hand.   
  
Vaughn's eyes widen. He knows what is coming and so do I.   
  
First, he sloppily winds what appear to be bloody and soiled used rags around Vaughn's leg wounds. Vaughn winces. We know what Noah is doing. He wants Vaughn alive for a while longer. Suffering, but alive. He can't let him bleed to death before he's had his fun.   
  
I clench my hands into fists, my fingernails digging into my palms. It stings, but I don't care.   
  
Noah sets to work on Vaughn with the ice pick. I don't know exactly what he is doing but I don't need to. Everything is blocked out. I notice nothing, hear nothing, see nothing except Vaughn's ear splitting cries and the blood dripping to the floor.   
  
I can see the blood, feel it, smell it.   
  
His screams are so loud, so tortured.   
  
So loud....   
  
Danny. Bathroom. Message. Tub. Blood.   
  
Will. Taipei. Newspaper. Dentistry. Blood.   
  
Noah. Kitchen. Snowman. Knife. Blood.   
  
Vaughn. Here. Now. Noah. Ice Pick. Blood.   
  
Everywhere.   
  
I feel myself shaking uncontrollably. I am sobbing and screaming hysterically.   
  
I'm yelling words now too, jumbled phrases. I don't know what I'm saying. The image before me is destroying my sense of anything.   
  
Finally, I gather up all the strength I can muster and scream out, "I UNDERSTAND NOW! I WANT TO LIVE AGAIN! I WANT EVERYTHING BACK THE WAY IT WAS! I JUST WANT TO EXIST AGAIN!"  
  
All goes dark, and now there is silence.   
  
A/N: Please review! I'll have the last chap up ASAP. Oh, and to my readers of "Lost in Time": Didn't you love Anya's cameo? lol.


	7. Merry Christmas to All

**A/N: **Sorry this took so long! I've been really busy since school started up again. I really had wanted to finish by X-Mas but oh well. Here's the final chapter! Sorry again!

**Chapter Seven~ "Merry Christmas to All"**

"Syd! Syd, Sweetie! Sydney, wake up!" a voice calls out from a distance, floating closer and closer. 

My eyes snap open and I see a figure emerge above me. Another angel? 

My vision clears and my mind surfaces out of sleep. I realize that it's Francie. 

"...Fran...?" I say softly as I sit up. 

"Are you okay, Syd? You were screaming," Francie tells me with concern filling her voice. 

"I... I was? What did I say?"

"You kept yelling about wanting to 'go back' from somewhere. And I swear I heard the name 'Vaughn' come up a few times. Who is that?"

I rub my head and think quickly. "Oh... just someone from my dream. He... he's just a figment of my dream," I explain, not entirely lying. 

Francie nods. "Oh. Well, whoever he was, you seemed really worried about him. If he were real, I'd probably say he's some guy you're in love with."

I smile a little. "Me too," I agree quietly. 

She grins. "Anyway, Merry Christmas, Sweetie. Are you alright to get up now? Because it's already 12:30 and Will's here. Again," she winks. 

I laugh. "Yeah."

I push my covers off and rub my eyes. 

Had it all been a dream? Did I never go to the pier and meet Kate? And she never showed me life without me? 

Will had never been a drug addict, my dad had never gone insane, and Vaughn had never been tortured? 

As I stand up and walk towards the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth, Francie calls to me again. "Oh, by the way, how was your drive?"

I stop. "My drive?"  

Francie hands me a yellow sticky note. "Yeah."

I read it. 

"_Fran, __  
  
_

_Went for early morning drive. Good luck with the restaurant!__  
  
_

_~Syd" _

I gape. "Oh... oh, yeah. It was nice. Very relaxing."

It's only now that I look down and notice that I'm still wearing my jogging outfit. But this doesn't mean anything, right? I could've gone to the pier, come back, fallen asleep, then had the dream. 

After finishing in the bathroom, I dress and head back to the kitchen. "Hey Will."

"Hi, Syd. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," I respond. I turn to Francie. "So how did things go with the restaurant?"

She grins. "So awesome. The place was packed!"

I give her a hug. "That's great. I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks."

We pulled away and I heard my cell phone ring. 

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"What's up?"

"Fisher's Skating Rink, two hours."

Covering so Francie wouldn't as questions, I say into the phone, "Thank you. Merry Christmas to you, too, Dad." 

Will holds an understanding expression. He knows from my voice it wasn't really my dad. 

I smile as the line goes dead. He's alright. 

I hang up. "Come on, you guys. What do you say we open gifts now?"

"Sounds good to me," Will answering, grinning. 

We head to the couch by the tree and I pull out two gifts covered in silver wrapping paper. I hand one to Francie and the other to Will. 

They pass two back to me. 

I rip into the paper of Francie's. A pink stress ball with the word 'Relax' imprinted on it sits inside the box, nestled in purple tissue paper. I laugh and look up at her. 

She beams and shrugs. "Seemed like good advice."

I reach back into the box and pull out the other gift. It's the pair of silver hoop earrings I had wanted. 

"Thank you, Fran."

Next, I open Will's box. 

Inside are two DVDs. _Austin Powers In: Goldmember _and _James Bond: The Spy who Loved Me. _

"I know you love the Austin Powers movies, and I remembered you saying you were into James Bond movies," Will explains. 

I laugh, recalling. It's true that I love Austin Powers, but what I had said about James Bond was that I sometimes enjoyed watching spy movies when I was in a bad mood just to laugh about how ridiculous some of them were. I had also mentioned that James Bond was the most amusing of all of them. 

Will had laughed and asked why I didn't introduce myself as "Bristow, Sydney Bristow" on every mission. 

When the gifts have all been opened and the shards of shiny wrapping paper have been cleaned from the floor, I excuse myself to my room. "Thanks for everything, you guys. You're awesome," I say. 

In my room, I open a drawer at the bottom of my dresser. 

Buried under a pile of shirts are three more gifts. Two are wrapped in green and the other in red. I smile and pull them out. 

I reach for the brightly hued card on the top of my dresser and grab a pen. I'd been wondering for days what to write on this card, and now I've figured it out. When I'm done I seal it shut and tape it to the red box. 

I hear a tap on the door. 

"You can come in."

"Hey, Syd. You're not like... going anywhere are you?"

"Not anywhere far_, _Will. Just to see my... dad and a friend from work," I answer. We have to keep these conversations subtle in case Francie is listening. 

Will understands. "Oh, ok."

I have to find out for sure, this thing is still lingering in my mind. "Hey, Will, you know what I was just thinking about?"

"What?"

"The day we met, under the bleachers... what were you doing? I know that was random but I just suddenly remembered."

He blinks and looks down, quiet for a moment. "I... that.. that day I was going to try dope. My life was just so screwed up and I didn't know what to do. But when you showed up you stopped me," he grins sheepishly and jokes, "but I guess once a person makes up their mind about drugs, nothing can stop them for good." 

He winks and I laugh a little, then pick up the gifts from the bed. 

On our way out he whispers, "Say hi to Vaughn for me."

I smile, but am deep in thought. So the thing about Will wanting to drugs was true. I couldn't have known that if it was a dream.... It had to have been real. 

Either way, I realize now what great people I'm surrounded by and how easily I take it for granted. I never want to do that again, and I want them to know that. 

"Look, guys, I've got to go see some friends from work," I tell Francie and Will. 

Francie gives me "the look." 

"I'm sorry for running out. I know things are crazy with my job. I'm always everywhere except home. I'm really, really sorry. I want you guys to know how great you've been to me. You've been the best friends anyone could have in helping me with everything that's been going on... and I'm just so glad to have you in my life."

Wow. Talk about a soap opera monologue. 

Francie smiles from ear to ear. Her eyes are shining. She steps forward and pulls me into a hug. "You too, Syd," she says. "Thank you, too."

"Merry Christmas, guys."

"Merry Christmas, Syd," my friends answer. 

I let out a breath, grab a bag now holding the presents and a pair of black and navy roller blades, and walk out the door to head to the rink. 

"Hey," I call out to him when I get to my destination. He's speed skating around the rink (which is closed to the public for Christmas.) 

He hears me and loses his balance. Tripping, he stops himself just before he crashes into the low wall separating the rink from the carpet. 

"Careful," I warn, laughing. 

"Hey. Sorry calling you on Christmas. You must have been busy."

"No, it's okay. I wanted to see you anyway. But since I'm off of work, I figure this isn't about a countermission."

He skates up to the wall where I'm leaning and smiles. "No."

"So?"

He goes to the opening in the wall and steps up to the carpeting, then picks up a black bag off the floor. Out of it he takes a blue gift bag decorated with silver snow flakes. "I had to give you your gift."

"Vaughn, you didn't have to get me anything."

He just grins and hands it to me. I feel a shiver as our fingers brush one another's. "I know. But I wanted to."

I smile back. "Thanks," I say gratefully, then reach into my own bag and hand him the red-wrapped gift. 

"No you didn't, Syd." He holds up a hand. 

"Just take it, Vaughn."

He does. Then he points to the other boxes laying in the now opened black carrier. "Francie and Will?"

"No," I shake my head. "They got theirs. Those are for my parents."

A surprised look crosses his face. 

"I know," I agree, comprehending what the look is about. "I was actually debating for a while whether or not I should give them to them. But lately I've been realizing... they are my parents and I wouldn't be here without them. And regardless of everything, I know they care about me."

Vaughn nods in understanding. "Look, Syd, I know I don't really need to explain and you keep stopping me anyway. But I feel like I know so much about your personal life and I owe you that same knowledge. Alice and I... after we met at that party, we decided to just see if there was anything left. We went back to the way things were for a little while to see how it went."

I have an urge to stop him, but I decide to let him continue as he'd requested. He was right. I don't know much about him personally. 

I wonder if he really has a twin named Anya. 

"I knew there was nothing left," he continues, "so I planned on ending it a couple of months after it started. But then her father got sick, and I couldn't bring myself to cause her any more pain. But she turned out to be the one to do it, right after I got out of the hospital. When you saw us at the bar, we were there as friends."

"Why'd she end it?"

He shrugs. "She knew we just weren't right together. She also said..." he stops suddenly, looking down and shifting his weight from one root to the other like he always does when he doesn't want to say something. 

"What?"

"...Nothing. Just that 'Rita' must really care about me."

I smile and place a hand on his arm. "She was right."

Vaughn returns the smile warmly. "So, aren't you going to open your gift?"

"Yes, and you?"

We both pick up our presents. I reach for the card tied to the bag on mine and open it. 

_Syd~_

_I saw the book and thought of you. The other gift... well, everyone needs something to confide in, even if it's inanimate. But always know that if your pen ever runs out of ink, you still have my number. Merry Christmas. _

_There for you always,_

_MV_

Tears almost forming and overtaken by the sweetness and perfection of his words, curious as to exactly what they are referring to, I carefully open the bag. Gently, I pull out two books. One is a smooth, sky blue journal decorated with three black Chinese word characters. "Hope," "Strength," and "Serenity." 

The second is one of those pocket sized books that tell everything about a certain date. Usually you get one describing your birthday, but not this one. In purple block letters across the cover, "October First"  is spelled out. 

My heart is bubbling with happiness and caring and I look up to see him reaching for his card. I put a hand out. "Read it later." 

He looks confused for a moment but obeys. He sets the card down and lifts the top off the box. He picks out the two thin pieces of shiny paper from the top. 

Looking at them, he chuckles. "Coupons for Slush-Os?"

I shrug. "They're delicious."

He seems amused that I remembered that, then he pulls out the second item. 

A small, plastic black fist-sized disco ball covered with multi-colored lights. "What... how did you..."

I smile, delighted at his expressions. 

Still looking down at the slightly strange object, he speaks quietly. "When I was about 10 years old, these things were so in. I always wanted one but I never told anyone. For some reason, I thought they were too girlish. Like only a girl would want a flashing rainbow ball in their room. But, I mean, I grew up with only my mom and twin sister... it was hard to be totally boyish..." he stops, realizing he's rambling. 

The words "twin sister" stick in my mind. 

"How did you know, anyway?" 

I grin. "Well apparently, you did tell one person..."

He laughs, green eyes shining. "I'm going to kill Eric Weiss."

"Oh, don't blame him. I practically had to beat it out of him. Besides, you know you still wanted one."

"Well, maybe a little..." he chortles. 

There is silence suddenly as we try to take in the connection and normalcy of these moments. 

Then I remember something he said a moment ago and become curious. "Anya."

He looks up, surprised. "What?"

"Anya. That's your twin sister."

"Yes. How did you...?" he begins, then grins. "What else did Eric tell you?"

I shrug, not wanting signs of my misleading to show through, but still in awe. 

This is the final proof. It all really happened, I know it. 

"Vaughn?" I ask as I pull on the roller skates I brought with me. 

"Yeah?"

I stand and skate back over to where he's standing. "Did something ever happen to you that you can't explain? Something that defies logic and reason?"

He is about to answer, but before he can get a word out the lights suddenly snap off with a whir. The plastic disco ball illuminates and begins to turn, casting the rainbow lights all around the walls. It's not even plugged in. 

Alarmed, Vaughn places it down on the floor. He looks back up at me. "Yes. Yes it has."

Smiling, he puts out his hand. I take it and we skate out to the rink. 

Hand in hand, saying nothing, we glide around the smooth surface, the rainbow lights dancing around us. 

I look up at the ceiling where a real silver mirror ball begins to turn, the white circles bouncing around the multi-hued ones, moving gracefully across our eyes. 

Hovering just next to the ball is the shimmering figure of a girl, no more than fifteen or sixteen, with chestnut brown curls and glinting sapphire eyes. She winks at me and grins widely, showing thumbs up. She then points to something next to her. 

I see it and wink back, returning the smile, just as she disappears in a quick flash.  

I inhale deeply as we glide towards the very center of the rink, just below the mirror ball and the spot where she had been gesturing to. There, I came to a stop with Vaughn by my side. 

I point up to the green leaves spotted with red berries, directly above our heads and laugh. His eyes follow my hand and he sees, then he looks back down and out eyes lock. 

"Merry Christmas, Michael," I whisper. 

"Merry Christmas, Syd." 

It's at this moment when everything else just runs together, and all the fear and doubt and lies and pain melt away, and all that I'm left with is light. And I know the truth now, Now more than ever. 

It really is a wonderful life. 

*****

**_Sydney_**_'s card to Vaughn: _****

****

_Vaughn,_

_Last night I was at my lowest, my most depressed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be living anymore. But against the offer you made me when we first met, I ignored the fact that I have your number. You see, for those dark moments last night, just those moments but still for far too long, I doubted the strength of our relationship. _

_That was stupid and I'm sorry. You've been there for me every time I needed you, and for that I'm deeply grateful. It was wrong of me, even for a second, to think that what we have is in illusion. _

_I need you in my life, and I care about you more than you'll ever know. What we have, the things we share... it's one of the most important things I have in my life right now and I want you to know that. I don't know how I would have ever gotten this far without you. _

_So again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Merry Christmas, you deserve the best one anyone could have. _

_All my love, _

_~SB_

_*****_

*THE END*

A/N: Well, did you like it? I'm sorry that it's finished like... 2 months after X-mas but o well. I'm glad I at least finished. Lol. Did you guys like the ending or was it too corny? Tell me what you thought! Hehe. And now, off to write my Valentine's Day fic. Lol.


End file.
